I am one of those who as recently as this AM felt we did not have enough information to conclude that the husband was a sex addict. With Southern Belle’s most recent post that is no longer in question. He most clearly is a well established addict.
Hmm, well I’m far from clear about what a sex addict actually is. It seems to me that his real problem is nothing to do with sex but is to do with not grasping the concept of marriage being a relationship between equals (particularly given the verbal abuse). If he gave equal weight to her needs they would be a lot closer to a solution. In the process he might also be confusing fantasy with reality. If he was considering her needs but ‘couldn’t help himself’ he would almost certainly jump at the chance to get counselling. I guess one way of telling whether its a sex thing or a relationship power thing would be to find out how he would react to being domainated (ie turn the tables). If he’s happy to submit to
domination then use it to extract a promise to go to counselling.
All she needs to do is follow up her posts with enough “Tough Love” to insist that he choose between his addiction and her.
Hmm. I have never known ultimatums to save a relationship in the long term. Even if they have the intended effect in the short term they tend to turn the relationship sour. My advice would be to try to encourage him to accompany her to some sort of relationship counselling by explaining that she needs help to understand his point of view and he needs to be present during the counselling (okay, so this is being economical with the truth…). This would make it easier for him to attend by being less confrontational about it. The implicit promise of an improved sex life if the problems can be sorted out (probably not a lie) might also help.
